If you are here because you have experienced infant loss, I am truly sorry. I, unfortunately, can now say that I have been in your shoes and it is the absolute worst feeling in the world. If you are here because you have heard about my story and want to know more, then welcome. It is my hope that by sharing our story I am able to help spread awareness and bring comfort to families that have, or will, experience infant loss. Here goes nothing…
In January of 2019 my husband, Jeff, and I decided that we were ready to start entertaining the idea of starting a family. We had a few trips planned in the beginning of the year, so we decided the summer would be the perfect time to starting trying. In the months to follow I had come off the pill and was really diligent about tracking my days. Fast forward to July. We had been married for a year and a half and the timing never felt more right. I’ll spare you the details, but a few short weeks later I was at work and started to get real crampy, but not like a period cramp. It was different. I knew I was pregnant. Without even taking a test I went straight to Target right after work to purchase a onesie and a balloon that said baby so I would have something to let Jeff know we were expecting. As soon as I got home I immediately took a test and it was positive. So naturally I took like four more just to be 1000% sure, and they were all positive. I was beyond excited. I could not believe that I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby. At this point I only had about fifteen minutes before I could expect Jeff home from work and I needed to put something together so he would be surprised when he walked in the door. I ended up blowing up the baby balloon and hanging it and the onesies from our mantle. As soon as he walked in the house he knew something was off. Spoiler alert, I’m terrible at keeping it cool. He finally noticed the decorations and in true Ashlyn and Jeff fashion all we could do is laugh. He didn’t believe me at first, so I had to prove it with the stick and then he was on board!
After the initial shock of finding out we were pregnant sunk in I was ready to do all the pregnant mom things. We needed to tell our friends and family, I needed to find and make an appointment with a OB, start a registry, plan a nursery and everything in between. Jeff was pretty dead set on waiting until after the first appointment to tell our friends and family we were expecting. He wanted to make sure everything was looking good before we spilled the beans. I on the other hand was cool with that plan for about a whole five minutes. I can’t keep a secret and never will pretend that I can. I won and two days later we told both sets of parents and our closest friends. Everyone was stoked and it was such a special time during my pregnancy. Getting to tell everyone, and see their excitement, was something I will never forget. Everything was so smooth with the first half of my pregnancy. I had zero morning sickness, was never nauseous and never had any food aversions or cravings. I was continuing to work out regularly, just as I had been prior to getting pregnant. Things were going great and I was progressing in my pregnancy just as “What to Expect When You Are Expecting” told me I was supposed to be. I had zero complaints and I was literally counting down the days to our twenty-week anatomy scan. I could not wait to find out if I was carrying a sweet little girl or a crazy little boy. Little did we know our entire world was about to get flipped upside down.
Check out these awesome photos taken by my sister at our in-home pregnancy announcement photoshoot.
I will be a faithful reader of your blog. I love you and am proud of your decision to help other couples deal with the loss of a baby.
Author
Thank you, that means so much! Love you too!
Loved your blog Ashlyn. The lost of a child is never easy. To know there is another parent out there who has been through the loss, grief and heartbreak. May they find comfort reading your story and being able to share their feeling with some else. Share what you went through to save Layne’s life
Let people know about CHOP and the wonderful doctors and nurses there.
I hope this blog helps you but also other parents who suffer the loss of a child.
I think talking about the cause of Layne’s death will
Author
Thank you so much! Writing and sharing her story helps keep the memories alive.
I am so excited that you started this blog!! You and Jeff are amazing and can be such an inspiration for so many people!!
Love you guys!!
Author
Thanks, Sonya! Love you!
I see a future in storytelling here. Love and hugs to you both. Kudos for taking this step of faith, that exposes your journey to the world. We are all fortunate for being able to share in it.
I am so proud of you. You and Jeff are amazing people. Love you both.
Cheryl
You write beautifully. Your emotions, thoughts, even your soul in written form will soothe others as well as yourself. I look forward to additional entries 🙂
Author
Thank you! Being able to document our story has been so healing for me and I pray it helps others as well. Thank you for following along!
Like!! I blog frequently and I really thank you for your content. The article has truly peaked my interest.
Author
Thank you and welcome! I appreciate the kind comments